You cannot have good sex with a Christian. There, I said it. It had to be said. The experiences I’ve had with very devout Christians have all been the same. Whack! If it happened once, I would call it a fluke. If it only happened twice it would be a strange pattern. Three times makes it a rule. Christian women do not perform as well in the bedroom as non-Christians.
Before you start tearing my head off in the comments, let me describe the type of Christian that I’m talking about. I’m talking about the truly devoted Christian, who goes to church EVERY Sunday and bible study twice a week (or more) and brings up Jesus or God every time they have a conversation with you. If that describes you, then I’m talking about you.
Another disclaimer that I want to add is that I have nothing against devoted Christians. You have the right to be devoted to who or whatever you want, whether it be Jesus, Sweet Baby Jesus, or Santa Claus it’s your right. And I hold the right to A) not get involved sexually with you and B) write about how whack you are likely to be in the bedroom.
Now to the question at hand: Why are they so bad at sex? In my unscientific opinion it is because the guilt they go through mentally every time they drop their panties for you. Face it gentlemen, you cannot compete with Jesus. Jesus says that sex, lust, desire, etc. is bad. In the Christian world sex is only okay after marriage and to make babies. If you’re not married with this devoted Christian and you’re not thinking about kids, chances are the sex is going to be bad (Even if you were it still might be bad).
The most obvious objection to my claim is the stereotypical preacher’s daughter who’s a freak. My rationale for her behavior is that she’s not a devoted Christian, she just acts like one to make her pops happy.
So how do you know that the sex is going to be bad with a Christian before you have sex with her? First of all re-read the second paragraph of this article. If that doesn’t make it clear for you, you can ask her these 3 simple questions:
- Is everyone who isn’t a Christian inherently bad/evil?
- Do you think the people who aren’t saved before the rapture going to burn in hell for eternity?
- Are you wearing a chastity belt?
If she answers yes to all three of those question, I would suggest to be prepared for the worst sex of your life.