So, I’ve been dating a lovely young lady (that shall remain nameless). She’s pretty cool in many ways. The most prevalent one is that she hasn’t been scared away from reading my articles on this blog (hopefully this one won’t be the last straw). Anyway, we’ve gone on a couple dates now and things are moving along swimmingly. The question I have to ask myself is how do you know when a person is right to take steps forward with?
How do you know when a person is right for you? In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink, he talks about rapid cognition, meaning the ability to make a decision about someone or a situation with in one or two seconds of being introduced. So when you’re on a date with someone, your brain has processed whether this person is right for you within the first few seconds. You just have to catch up. Although rapid cognition happens subconsciously, I think it’s important to consider and I’ll explain why a bit later.
If you’re like me and not completely in tuned with your subconscious mind, you’ll need more concrete criteria to decide if s/he is right for you. Luckily I’ve put together a few points that I think make sense. Below are three signs to know if you should take serious steps forward with the person you’re dating.
- Clear signs of affection – tighter hugs, a gentle kiss on the cheek. etc… concrete actions that shows the other person cares
- Elevated conversations – conversations that have to do with life goals and aspirations, core values and beliefs, etc
- Intimate conversations – conversations that are full of emotion, talking open and honestly about what you feel both happy and angry
If you are able to achieve some level of the above with your partner, I’d say that you have a keeper. If one or two are lacking try to engage in those activities to see the response you get.
There’s something to say about time that I didn’t include in the above criteria. I didn’t included it because I feel that reaching a high level of intimacy is independent of time. Part that notion has to do with Gladwell’s ideas about rapid cognition and the other part is not being so afraid to take chances when you see something or someone you like. If you wait too long for it, it might disappear. On the other hand if you try too hard, you might kill it before it starts. You have to use your intuition to find that happy medium.
Back to the lovely lady that shall remain nameless. After going on a few dates with her, do I feel that we’ve achieved all the above? No. Do I think it’s possible? Yes. Although I don’t bank on time in these situations, I know that time will tell…